Guess who took our hot seat recently! Wamimah it is! She gorgeous, bold and wise. She is also beautiful; from the inside to the outwards. Her story interlinks our former topic on relationships and the current one of African Parenting. Let’s roll.
1. Tell us in-depth who Wamimah is
I am the last born in our family which means that I got all the attention. The attention that was so often and freely given shaped my perspective of love. Attention in our family goes deep into trivial details like performance in school, relationship with BOYS and arriving home later than 8pm. My family care about where I am, whom I am with and what I am doing, I guess that’s love. I seldom heard the words ‘I love you’ in the house, I guess it sounded so hipster for my folks. My mum, however, tells me I have one of the most beautiful smiles and often reminds me that she is glad I never took her side of the family’s legs! Hahaha She is straightforward like that, and as they say the apple does not fall far from the tree.
2. What is your experience in relationships?
He was very quiet, just like me, when my introverted self decides to pay a visit. For this interview I will call him Mortein. I had met him just for a few days before he travelled overseas for a work but I felt like I had known him for 20million years and the fact that he was a present father to his son, ah! I was sold out. Despite the fact that he was thousands of miles away, I knew for sure it-our relationship- was heading somewhere and after six months he was back, closer to home. He was, still is, very intelligent. It was as if he saw life from a different perspective.
I always lit up at the thought of him and seeing his text was the most uplifting part of the day. The last time I felt that strongly about someone was seven years ago and it was happening again, for eternity, I hoped. ‘’We are going to make it work, somehow even with the long distance,’’ I told myself. Someone once told me that those who give 100% are easier to hurt because there is nothing left for them to bounce back to. And after making a sane decision together on our next path, a hundred percent didn’t even look enough in this case.
3. Can you highlight a few differences between being in a relationship and not being in one? Is there some energy that relationships give to a person?
I always felt challenged and appreciated, anytime we would talk. But, it took him quite some time to open up, Boys! Sigh! I was excited to tell him how my day was, despite the fact that I was tired, most of the time. I felt needed, wanted. I wore my heart on my sleeve.
4. How do you handle relationships? Do you keep them a secret from people? From family?
My father brought us up in such a way that most of the things I did, I did out of fear and not necessarily obedience, so telling my mom or dad, ‘Hey mom or hey dad! This I my boyfriend’ is not something I am familiar to.
My diary, on the other hand, has it all. I call it the little brother I never had. We share everything. But mostly my tears are embedded on his pages.
5. If there was a heartbreak, how was the whole process from events leading to break up to grief to healing?
I decided to check my messages, and it felt like someone had forced bananas down my throat and now my stomach is full of gas. (I loathe bananas) .0034 hours. He said that he didn’t see where we are heading to, no explanation, nothing. This was maybe less than a month after I visited him, yet, he never said a word. I missed the signs, I was too deep to allow myself to float and notice that maybe he had gotten cold feet.
The next couple of weeks were tough, and I mean tough. I cried every day. I lost concentration in school. I had so many questions, I was angry. I felt betrayed. I felt used. And the fact that it was on a text?? How low could he stoop? I doubted myself for a while, were my expectations high? Or was I that ‘somebody else’ and he went back to pick from his main shelf what he had left.
Mortein reminded me just how good it feels to care about someone, and mean nothing to them in a split second.
My close friend, *Gemma, told me that I was neither the first nor the last to be left. Beyoncé! Nicki Minaj! Halle Berry! Name them. So if I needed to cry, just cry but not to get lost in the moment.
I forgave him. Well, still on that path because forgiveness is an easy word to say that to implement. So that I may find healing in all my tears, tears he was not worth crying over.
Sometimes, I wish I was a bird, not a graceful dove which if it poops on someone’s head they interpret it as good luck, but a Marabou stock. Then I know whom exactly I would shit on
6. Imagine your nineteen-year-old cousin came and told you that she met a handsome boy in class and she wants to date him. How would you advise her?
I would tell her to go ahead and date him, let her know that love is beautiful. But never be forced into something she doesn’t want or her gut feeling doesn’t agree with. I would tell her not to rush anything because love is patient, kind, gentle and all those things and let her experience love for herself.
7. What is the greatest lesson you learnt from relationship life? From your own story and of friends around you.
That there will always be someone prettier, thicker than you hunnie, as long as he is between 25 and 34! So you better level up! Okay, no! Haha
When you get into a relationship, it stops being about ME and starts being about US. Everything you do or say will affect US so communicate if you are not happy because in the end, if you said nothing, both of you will get hurt. More so, if you do not find closure, there will always be something holding you back from moving on.
Forgiveness goes a long way. And it does not necessarily mean that you forgive them and go back to how things were, no. I mean, look at Jesus, He forgave the Pharisees and went on His way. Forgive. Heal. Move On. Love will find you.
8. Any pieces of art that you relate to.
Leaving Carolina, Tamara Leigh’s book and Castle on the Hill by Ed Sheeran.
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